


Scar Tissue

by MalenkayaCherepakha



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Clothed Sex, Crying, Getting Back Together, HP Next Gen Fest 2019, Harry Potter Next Generation, Heartbreak, M/M, Minor James Sirius Potter/Original Male Characters, Oral Sex, POV Teddy Lupin, Past Violence, Quidditch Player James Sirius Potter, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-12-20 17:14:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21060257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalenkayaCherepakha/pseuds/MalenkayaCherepakha
Summary: When his friendship with James turns into something more, Teddy thinks he's found the one. When James's soulmark stubbornly refuses to appear however, things start to go wrong. Can Teddy salvage what they had?





	Scar Tissue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by gracerene's fantastic prompt—this veered a bit away from your original prompt but I hope you enjoy it. Thank you to A, S, and D for all your amazing alpha, beta, and cheerleader help, and apologies for making you all cry! I really enjoyed writing this and exploring James and Teddy's relationship, I hope you all enjoy reading. Thank you also to the mods for all your hard work in running this great fest!

The first time they had sex, Teddy didn't notice it at all, both of them reaching hungrily for each other as soon as they appeared in Teddy's flat, far too desperate to bother removing any more clothing than they had to.

Teddy had been having a hell of a day. Ginny had managed to secure them a box for the match of the season, a charity spectacle in which some of the most famous Quidditch players of the past few decades would face off against the current England World Cup team. The box, however, was really far too small for a family as large as theirs—no one had wanted to miss out on seeing the match, and so they were all crammed in, squishing close to each other to ensure that everyone could see the pitch. 

In theory, that was fine. They were used to having to share space—no dinner at the Burrow would be complete without getting an elbow to the side when someone tried to cut food too vigorously. 

In practice, Teddy was distinctly _not_ fine. 

The main source of his discomfort was not the way that the wind kept blowing Lily's long hair into his face, or her high-pitched screams every time Ginny flew anywhere near them. No, his discomfort was entirely down to the fact that James had sat down in the seat next to Teddy.

And really, James wasn't sat _next_ to Teddy so much as sat _on_ him. Space was so tight that James was practically plastered to Teddy's side, their arms and thighs pressed tightly together. 

In a completely rational, non-dramatic way, Teddy thought he might die. 

He was a mess, his nerves alight wherever James's body was making contact with his, his heart beating a mile a minute, his hands clammy. It was almost unbearable, having to sit there with a smile painted on his face, pretending to watch the match when all he could think about was how desperately he wanted to reach out and take James's hand in his.

If Teddy was being honest with himself, he'd had a thing for James for a while now, and he was starting to realise that his plan to ignore it in the hopes it would go away just wasn't working. He thought that James was starting to suspect something too, and had noticed James giving him some strange looks, a new hesitancy developing in their previously easy friendship. When he was feeling hopeful, Teddy couldn't stop himself wondering if those were signs that maybe James returned Teddy's interest, but then his hopes and dreams would come crashing down when he saw James eye up a stranger at the clubs they frequented together, or when James laughed slightly too long at a joke told by an attractive man in the pub. 

By the time the game had been going on for nearly two hours, Teddy couldn't take it anymore. He had to get away.

'Sorry, can I just—?' he said, gesturing to indicate that he wanted to get out, ignoring the confused look that James sent his way. 'I just need—uh—toilet break.'

Teddy didn't pause to listen to James's protestations that he'd miss something, so desperate to get out of that damned box that he barely noticed the way he tripped over George's feet and nearly knocked Ron's beer out of his hand. All he could focus on was getting to the door and escaping to somewhere where James wasn't pressed against him while he tried desperately to not get hard. 

Once he made it out into the corridor, Teddy let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. His heart was racing, his breathing quick, his skin still burning and his cock still half-hard from the memory of James's skin against his. Walking a few metres away from the box just in case one of the Weasleys came out, Teddy stopped to slump against a wall, burying his face in his hands. 

This was getting out of control. It had been bad when James had first started to sneak into his fantasies, that contagious grin suddenly haunting his dreams or appearing out of nowhere in his mind when Teddy had his cock in his hand, but this? This was way worse. How was he supposed to cope with dinners at the Potters' and film nights with James when he couldn't even sit next to him now without falling apart? 

Just as Teddy was beginning to contemplate the idea of simply leaving the country and therefore never having to come face-to-face with James bloody Potter ever again, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Opening his eyes and lifting his head out of his hands, Teddy found himself staring into the <strike>beautiful</strike>, <strike>rich</strike>, brown eyes of James.

Brilliant. Of all the people who could have found him hiding in a corridor having a crisis, it had to be the source of the crisis himself. Truly fantastic.

'What's up, Teddy?' James said, his eyebrows pulled down in concern. 'Why did you leave?'

'It's nothing,' Teddy hedged, 'I just, uh, needed some air. It was getting a bit cramped in there.'

'Oh. Yeah, I suppose it was a bit. I didn't realise it was making you that uncomfortable.' James had looked away from Teddy, a strange expression on his face. He took a step back, still not making eye contact with Teddy. 'I guess I'll leave you to it then.'

Teddy was confused, feeling like he'd missed something but with no idea what it might have been. James was turning, ready to head back to the box when Teddy, completely involuntarily, shot out an arm and grabbed James's hand.

'Wait,' Teddy practically shouted, suddenly seized with the need to make sure James didn't go anywhere. 

'Yes?' James said, his eyes locked on their joined hands.

'Just—I—Merlin.' Teddy's words had deserted him completely. 

Teddy's skin was on fire where James's hand touched his, his brain struggling to focus against the onslaught of desire and need pounding through his veins.

'I—I wasn't uncomfortable,' he finally got out. 

James looked back up at Teddy at his words, his confusion plain on his face. 

'I mean.' Teddy swallowed, hard, and then decided, fuck it. It was time to be brave. 'I was uncomfortable, but not for the reasons you think.'

'What are you trying to say, Teddy?' James whispered, taking a step closer to Teddy, their hands still tightly linked.

'It's just, it's hard for me to sit that close to you and not be able to do what I want.' Teddy's heart was hammering now, his pulse beating loudly in his ears, nerves filling his stomach as he waited for James's response.

'And what do you want to do?' James said, taking another step closer, so close now that Teddy could make out the faint dusting of freckles across his cheeks, and the small scar from when a young James had headbutted the patio table during a too-rough game of tag. Teddy could hardly breathe, let alone form the words to tell James just how badly he wanted to press him up against the nearest wall and kiss him until they couldn't take it anymore.

Luckily for Teddy, James had always been far braver than him.

'Was it this?' James murmured as he closed the distance between them entirely, dropping Teddy's hand and reaching up to cradle the side of his face. 'Cause this is what I've been wanting to do for a really, really long time.'

And just like that, James kissed Teddy.

It was just the softest pressure at first, James testing the waters, waiting for Teddy's reaction, his hand warm and almost unbearably tender against Teddy's cheek. Teddy couldn't help the moan that tore from his throat as he finally, _finally_ found out what it felt like to have James's lips on his, but James seemed to take the moan as the confirmation he had been waiting for. He kissed Teddy again, more firmly this time, his tongue flicking out to swipe across Teddy's lips in a wordless request for access that Teddy granted immediately.

When their tongues met for the first time, Teddy was lost.

With a groan he pulled James in tightly, pressing their bodies together, his hands drifting to James's hips as they kissed. It was so good, better than Teddy could ever have imagined, but he already wanted more. He should have known that just one kiss from James would never be enough. He was hard in his trousers, and he couldn't resist rocking his hips gently forwards, a shiver of pleasure racing through him as he felt the hard line in James's jeans. 

'God, James,' Teddy muttered, his voice low and rough. James didn't reply but signalled his feelings clearly enough as he too began to move his hips, grinding his cock against Teddy's as he pulled Teddy back into a blistering kiss. 

Teddy's mind could barely keep up with what was happening, and the feeling of James's erection against his wasn't helping matters at all. How had this happened? One minute Teddy was having to hide to get away from James, and the next minute they were practically fucking, in a Quidditch stadium of all places, with the entire extended Weasley family just a few metres away. It was completely, utterly insane, and completely, utterly brilliant. 

The sound of footsteps coming down the corridor shocked them out of the haze of lust they had sunk into, intruding into their moment to remind them exactly how public their current location was. Teddy looked at James, his heart flipping at the sight of James's red lips and mussed hair, his eyes just as wild and lust-filled as Teddy thought his probably were. 

'Shit, we should probably—' Teddy began, intending to tell James that they should head back to the box, but James interrupted him.

'Take me home, Teddy,' he said. 'Take me home and fuck me.'

Teddy didn't hesitate for a second, wrapping his arms tighter around James and Apparating them back to his flat as quickly as he could. 

He didn't bother flicking the lights on when they arrived in his bedroom, not willing to go a minute longer without touching James. Stumbling in the dark as they kissed, Teddy pushed James back towards the bed, stopping kissing him just long enough for James to crawl back onto the pillows, Teddy immediately following and bringing their bodies back into contact.

Their hips were moving quickly now, Teddy's cock almost painfully hard in his trousers, James's hands gripping his arse tightly as he helped Teddy grind into him. With a herculean effort, Teddy pulled away from James, only the prospect of finally getting to fuck him strong enough to make Teddy stop kissing him. Reaching down, Teddy rubbed James's prick over his jeans, chuckling at the needy moan that fell from James's lips.

'What do you want, James?' Teddy said, unconsciously mirroring the words James had spoken to him earlier in the stands, in what felt like another lifetime.

'You,' James gasped, his hips bucking up into Teddy's touch. 'You, please, Teddy.'

It was intoxicating, hearing the naked want in James's voice and knowing it was all because of him. With shaking hands, Teddy hurried to unzip James's jeans, pulling them down his legs along with his boxers, the need to touch all of him overpowering any desire Teddy had to take this slowly. 

Once James was freed from the confines of his trousers, and his t-shirt had been pushed up to reveal the planes of his flat stomach, Teddy reached for his wand, raising an eyebrow to wordlessly ask James's permission.

'God, yes, please, just—quick,' James breathed, already shifting his legs to allow access.

Once the spells were cast, Teddy dropped his wand, not caring in the slightest where it went. It could have landed on Mars for all he cared—all he could think about was sinking into James, about finally feeling him around his cock. Teddy didn't even manage to get his trousers fully off, only getting as far as pulling them down below his arse before James was reaching out to him, pulling him until he was hovering his weight over James's body. 

'You sure?' Teddy asked one last time, even as his cock came to rest along James's crease, so near to where they both wanted it.

'Of course I'm sure, Teddy.' James laughed, exasperated, before his voice got quieter, more serious. 'I've never been so sure about anything.'

'Oh, James,' was all Teddy could say as he slowly, slowly started to press into him. It was indescribable, the way James felt as Teddy sank into him, and the look on James's face, his mouth open and his eyes wide, just visible in the dim light, was an image Teddy was sure he'd never forget. 

For a long minute Teddy stayed still, every muscle straining with the need to move as he let James become accustomed to the feeling of him, the only sound in the room their quick breathing and their pounding hearts.

Just as Teddy started to think that he couldn't hold off for much longer, James shifted his hips slightly, his hands on Teddy's hips squeezing to pull Teddy in even closer. With a groan of relief, Teddy began to thrust, first slowly, but quickly picking up the pace, spurred on by the sighs and moans spilling from James's lips. 

Teddy knew he wasn't going to last long, his climax already building even as he tried desperately to stave it off, and he reached down to wrap his hand tightly around James's cock, beginning to stroke it rapidly in time with his thrusts, determined to get James to come before he did.

With a litany of swear words, James spilled over Teddy's fist and his own t-shirt, the way his body clenched around Teddy's drawing out Teddy's orgasm with a rush of white-hot pleasure. Teddy collapsed onto James, his head coming to burrow into James's neck as he tried to catch his breath, the pleasure still radiating in his veins. It was by far the best sex Teddy had ever had, and he didn't think anything else would ever be able to compare to the feeling of watching James fall apart underneath him. 

'Fuck, Ted.' James chuckled weakly after their pulses had slowed somewhat. 'That was—fuck that was amazing.'

'Definitely,' Teddy said, shifting his head slightly to drop a kiss on the exposed skin of James's neck where it peeked out of his collar. 

'When can we do it again?' James joked.

'God, now, later, whenever you want,' Teddy said, not caring how desperate he might be coming across. He _was_ desperate, already craving the feel of James around him, already needing to kiss him, touch him, taste him again. 

'Now sounds good…' James mused. 'But maybe we should get back to the stadium? I think Mum will kill me if I miss the whole game.'

'Shit.' Teddy had completely forgotten that they'd been at a Quidditch match, James wiping all thoughts of anything else from his brain completely. 'Yeah, I guess we better get back…' Teddy trailed off, his heart wrenching at the thought of leaving his bed and James.

'But we can come back here later, yes?' James asked quietly, the hint of vulnerability in his voice making Teddy lift his head up from James's shoulder so that they could look at each other.

'_Yes_, God, James, _yes_,' Teddy said, leaning down to kiss James deeply. 

They broke apart smiling, and Teddy felt his heart leap at the sight. James was always beautiful, but there was something extra special about seeing him like this, in a way that so few other people had. 

Sighing, Teddy reluctantly dragged himself off James, holding out a hand to help him up before they both put their trousers back on, pausing to kiss as they fixed their clothes and tidied up their hair. When they were finally presentable, Teddy pulled James in for another kiss, needing just one more to get him through the rest of the match, before holding him tightly and spinning into thin air.

~~~

The second time they had sex, Teddy did see it. Or rather, he _didn't_. 

The rest of the match had gone by in a blur, the constant press of James's thigh against his serving to remind Teddy of exactly what they had snuck away to do, and making him burn with the need to do it again, and soon.

Ginny's team won, by a large margin, and the box went wild as the Seeker caught the Snitch. Harry and Lily were singing a song they had composed specifically for the occasion, Harry's terrible singing voice mixing with Lily's high-pitched shouts, Ron's piercing whistles floating over the top, adding up to a headache-inducing amount of noise. Once the players had finished their victory laps, Ginny flying close to the box so that she could wave at them, they began to file out, Harry announcing that the post-match celebrations would continue at their cottage. 

Without discussing it, James and Teddy hung back, letting the crowd go ahead of them. Their hands brushed as they walked down the corridor, and a jolt of pleasure raced up Teddy's spine. 

'Twenty minutes and then back to mine?' he asked James quietly.

'That long?' James replied, the twinkle in his eye making Teddy's stomach and heart do gymnastics. 

Even twenty minutes dragged, Teddy trying to make conversation with Hermione about the latest goings-on at the Ministry while forcing himself not to stare at James. He didn't want anyone to know about them yet, not until they'd had some time to enjoy it in peace and figure out exactly what was going on, but if he gave in to his desires and eye-fucked James in the middle of a family party, they would be found out very quickly.

He found himself checking the clock obsessively, counting down each minute and cursing how slowly time was passing. Just looking at James was driving him wild—how was he supposed to look at him and not touch him now he knew what James looked like when he came? 

Finally, the clock confirmed that twenty minutes had passed. Teddy caught James's eye, and nodded his head towards the clock, a grin spreading across James's face when he realised that they could leave. Teddy turned back to his conversation with Harry, and interrupted Harry's recap of the match to announce that sadly, he needed to go, right that second.

Teddy had been in his kitchen for approximately two minutes when James stepped out of the Floo, barely pausing to brush the soot off his clothes before he was stalking over to Teddy and pushing him back into the kitchen cabinets.

'Is it mad that I missed you?' James laughed as he pressed his body against Teddy's, his already-hard cock digging into Teddy's thigh. 'Cause I did, miss you.' 

'Fuck, James, I missed you too.'

And with that, no more words were needed. They kissed for an eternity, bodies moving against each other just enough to relieve the pressure, but with no real sense of urgency. They seemed to have come to an unspoken agreement to take it slowly this time, to savour it in contrast to the heated rush of their previous coupling. 

Slowly they moved from the kitchen to Teddy's bedroom, kissing as they went, pausing to press each other up against each available flat surface. James stripped Teddy's t-shirt off, his thumb flicking over Teddy's nipple as he did so, Teddy's moan of pleasure causing James to chuckle.

'Like that, huh?' he murmured into Teddy's ear, the roughness of his voice betraying how turned on he was.

'Mmm,' was all Teddy could respond with as James began to kiss his way down his chest, his tongue teasing Teddy's nipple until his hips were bucking up, desperate for contact. 

James stopped teasing Teddy so that he could pull off his own shirt, dropping it on the floor of the hallway before grabbing Teddy's hand and pulling him into the bedroom.

They fell onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, trousers and boxers thrown on to the floor as their hands roamed over each other's bodies, Teddy's hands mapping out all the parts of James that he'd imagined for so long. 

When he entered James again, it felt just as good as the first time, and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to stave off the orgasm that threatened to overtake him at the look on James's face as he started to rock slowly.

It was less frantic than their first time, Teddy setting up a pace that let them both enjoy the sensations rushing over them but that kept their orgasms at bay. He wanted to really enjoy this one, to take his time now that they weren't expected to be anywhere else for the rest of the night. They kissed lazily as they fucked, Teddy cradling James's face in his hands as he tried to pour all of his unspoken feelings into his kisses. It was far too early to tell James exactly how strong his feelings were—the last thing Teddy wanted to do was scare him off with a declaration—but that didn't mean he couldn't show him. 

When James finally came, his hand wrapped around his cock as he pushed his hips up to meet every single one of Teddy's thrusts, Teddy was powerless to stop his own orgasm, the sounds James was making and the way he was shaking around Teddy bringing him to an incredible climax. 

Afterwards, when Teddy could bear to roll off James, he moved to lie with his head on James's shoulder, and began to idly trace circles across the taut skin of James's stomach, chuckling when his fingers tickled James. It was when he started to stroke across James's chest that he realised.

'You don't have your soulmark yet,' he remarked.

'Yeah,' James said, his voice unconcerned. 'I guess for some people it just appears later.'

'Mmm,' Teddy agreed. 'It's so variable, the time when they appear. It'd be fascinating to find out why.'

'Alright, magic nerd,' James teased, earning him a proper tickle just under his ribs for his cheek. 'I'm sure it'll appear soon, I'm not worried.'

Teddy couldn't help the rush of warm happiness that ran through him at James's words. He knew he was probably over-analysing James's words—after all, words spoken in a post-orgasm haze were unlikely to be full of hidden meaning—but he couldn't help hoping that James meant that his soulmark might appear soon because, he, Teddy, was James's soulmate. 

'When did yours show up?' James asked, interrupting Teddy's thoughts.

'Hmm? Oh, my soulmark? When I was sixteen-ish, I think. I don't really know though, it was just suddenly there one day.' 

Teddy was being truthful, he really didn't know exactly when it had first become visible. He didn't tend to look at his bare chest that often—by the time he got out of the shower, the big mirrors in the Hogwarts bathrooms were usually too steamed-up to make out any details, and as a Metamorphmagus, he didn't really need to look in the mirror as much as other people—he could sort of _feel_ how he looked, which negated the need to inspect his appearance. 

And then one day, Robert had somehow managed to spill the potion they'd been brewing over them both, and he'd had to check his skin carefully to make sure none of it remained on him—Madam Pomfrey had been very insistent that they wash it all off, threatening vague but unpleasant-sounding consequences if any of it touched their skin for too long. After carefully checking his legs for any speck of potion, Teddy moved in front of the mirror, and was shocked to see something on his chest, right over his heart. 

On closer inspection, it turned out to be several runes, sketched out in delicate black lines, and with a shock Teddy had realised that this must be his soulmark. He'd heard of them, of course, and he'd seen plenty of people with them when he'd been at the beach or the pool as a child. He'd asked Harry about them when he was young, having noticed the intricate runes on Harry's chest that linked with Ginny's. Harry had explained that they appeared in your teenage years or in your early twenties at the latest, and that although nobody knew what triggered their appearance, there was speculation that it could be caused by meeting your soulmate, or because you were ready to truly feel love. 

For a while after that conversation with Harry, Teddy had thought obsessively about his soulmark, wondering when it might appear, and what it would look like. As he got a bit older he'd begun to wonder if he would get one at all—would being a Metamorphmagus mean that the magic wouldn't work? His body wasn't like other peoples', didn't work the same way, so would that mean this wouldn't be the same too? Teddy had been relieved to see that his Metamorphmagus abilities hadn't stopped his mark from appearing, and he had started to wonder idly who his soulmate was. He'd dated a fair few people since then, and so far he'd yet to find anyone who had the corresponding mark. Was it really that crazy to hope that maybe he'd find it on James one day?

'Hopefully mine will come soon,' James said, reaching out to run a finger over Teddy's mark. 'They look so cool.'

'I'm sure it will,' Teddy said, shivering at the feel of James's fingers on his skin, before leaning in to kiss him once again.

~~~

But James's mark didn't appear. 

The first six months of their relationship passed quickly, a blur of dates, laughter, and incredible sex. Teddy was happy, truly happy, and he hadn't realised how badly he had been wanting a relationship like this. He just got on so well with James that it was never hard to spend time with him—they never ran out of things to say to each other, always laughing and joking, and Teddy still ached to touch James all the time. 

The one, tiny issue in their otherwise content existence was the bare, unmarked skin on James's chest. It didn't bother Teddy at all—he wasn't sure if he even believed in the magic behind soulmarks, so he wasn't worried that their relationship would fall apart if James never got one, but over time it began to seem like it was bothering James. 

On several occasions Teddy had found James stood in front of the long mirror in his bedroom, his fingers running over the space where his soulmark should be, an expression of mingled concern and sadness on his face. He also noticed that James's eyes seemed to be magnetically drawn to Teddy's soulmark whenever Teddy removed his shirt, a frown appearing on his face as he took in the intricate lines of the mark on Teddy's chest. 

Teddy didn't know what to do to relieve James's concerns about his lack of soulmark, and his sense of helplessness only increased as James's unhappiness grew more pronounced. This thing between them was still so new that Teddy wasn't sure how to help James. He'd known how to treat James when they'd just been friends, had known how much he could push him or tease him out of his moods, but now that they had this extra level of intimacy, all of Teddy's usual methods were failing him, too scared of pushing James away.

In some ways, they were doing just fine, but Teddy could sense James starting to pull away as the months passed and his chest remained stubbornly free of a mark. In the first few months of them dating, they'd barely been able to tear themselves away from each other, every minute that they weren't touching a waste, every hour at work spent painfully counting down the seconds until they could see each other again. But now James was suddenly late coming home from practices, ostensibly because he needed to get just a few more exercises done, but the way he avoided Teddy's eye when he eventually appeared in the Floo made Teddy wonder. 

Teddy tried to get James to open up to him, tried asking questions that he hoped would get him to admit the cause of his unhappiness, but James wasn't playing along. He shrugged off Teddy's questions with bullshit answers about being tired or having had a hard day at work, and even though Teddy knew it was all lies, knew that James's unhappiness ran deeper than just losing a match or having a headache, he was lost for how to get James to admit it. He wanted to know, wanted to be able to make it all better, but part of him didn't want to push further because he was scared of hearing exactly what was wrong. What if James was realising this was all a mistake, that he didn't love Teddy after all? Teddy thought hearing that would break him irreparably. 

Despite all of Teddy's fervent hopes and desperate late-night prayers to a god he didn't believe in, time didn't make things better. James was so far away whenever they were together that Teddy felt like he might as well be completely alone. He could reach out and touch James, run his hands along the freckled, taut skin over James's shoulders and chest, but it wasn't enough to bring James back to him. James could hardly look at Teddy now, and though they continued to have sex in some misguided attempt to pretend that things were fine between them, each touch breaking Teddy's heart even more, James had started to make Teddy keep his shirt on, or, if Teddy insisted on being naked, James would shift them so that Teddy took him from behind, James studiously refusing to look over at Teddy until he was clothed again. 

Eventually, Teddy couldn't take it anymore. 

They'd been for dinner at James's parents' house, and it had been painfully obvious to everyone at the table that something was wrong between James and Teddy. Harry and Ginny had been shooting covert glances their way before looking at each other with concern etched across their faces, and Albus had been far more talkative than usual in a transparent, and failed, attempt to make up for some of the awkwardness. 

James, usually the life and soul of any party, had only spoken when spoken to, spending most of the meal moodily pushing his food around on his plate and refusing to look at or even acknowledge Teddy. Ginny had attempted to find out what was wrong, but James had bitten her head off and she hadn't tried again, although she had given Teddy an extra long hug before they left, nearly causing the tears that had been threatening all evening to spill over.

Teddy's flat was dark and quiet when they got back, and suddenly Teddy couldn't bear it any longer.

'James,' he said, his voice coming out harsher than he had intended. James had been walking out of the living room but froze, his back to Teddy, his figure only illuminated by the faint light coming through the gap in the curtains from the streetlight outside. 

'James, we have to talk about this,' Teddy said. 'Something's clearly not right and I can't keep pretending that everything's okay.'

James didn't say anything, his face still hidden from view, and Teddy felt his patience snap. 

'You can't keep treating me like this, you need to talk to me and tell me why you're upset so that I can fix it.' Teddy was shouting now, all the pent up anger flooding out. 'I can't go any longer with you refusing to look at me or talk to me or touch me properly. Just tell me what you're thinking for Merlin's sake!'

Teddy stopped abruptly, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, and still James said nothing. 

'Please, James,' Teddy whispered, not caring how sad and pathetic he sounded. Why pretend that his heart wasn't breaking?

James finally spoke, and Teddy immediately wished he hadn't.

'I… I can't do this anymore, Teddy,' James said quietly, still not turning around. 

'What?' Teddy gasped, James's words hitting him like a punch to the stomach, the pain that rushed over him so strong that he almost doubled over. 

'You shouldn't be with me,' James said, his voice robotic and emotionless.

'Why would you say that?' Teddy couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd known it was bad, known James was unhappy, but he hadn't thought that he'd want to break up.

'You should go find your soulmate.'

'What? What do you mean?' 

'Look,' James said loudly, whirling round so that he was finally looking at Teddy. 'You've got your mark, and I haven't, so you should go find your damn soulmate since it's obviously not me.'

'James—' Teddy began to speak but James cut him off again. 

'I guess I just don't have a soulmate or something, maybe I'm just never meant to be with someone like that, but you obviously are, so you should go and find them and go waltz off into the sunset with them and live your happy life.'

'James, I don't want to find my soulmate, I want to be with you!' 

Teddy was getting scared now, really scared. James seemed so sure, his mind made up, and Teddy was well aware of how stubborn James could be. Once he had decided to do something, it was damned near impossible to get him to change his mind.

'Please, James,' Teddy continued, determined to fight for this, for them. 'I love _you_, I don't care what some stupid mark on my chest says, I don't want this to be over.'

'I just can't,' James said, his voice never wavering even as his eyes shone with tears. 'I'm sorry, Teddy. You'll be happier without me—after all, your soulmate is out there waiting for you.'

Before Teddy could open his mouth to protest that no, he certainly wouldn't be happier without James, James was gone, the crack from his Disapparation echoing around the room. Teddy sank to his knees, his muscles suddenly unable to hold him up, his mouth opening in a wordless shout of grief as his tears began to fall.

Teddy didn't know how long he stayed there, curled over on the rug in front of the fireplace in the dark, time losing all meaning as tears poured down his cheeks, his shirt growing damp as all the sadness that had been building over the past few months escaped him.

He'd not expected the evening to end this way. He had thought that they would be able to work through this issue, solve it together. He hadn't expected James to not even give him a chance, had never thought that James would just call it all off there and then. They were James and Teddy, the bestest of friends turned blissfully happy lovers—they shouldn't end like this. They shouldn't end at all. Teddy didn't give a shit about soulmates, James was the one he wanted and he wasn't going to let a stupid bit of magic tell him otherwise, but apparently it mattered to James, enough that he was willing to break Teddy's heart to let him find his soulmate. 

He finally managed to drag himself off the floor and into his bed, curling up in a tight ball under the covers, holding on to his legs in an attempt to hold himself together even as he could feel his heart splitting in two. The pain was so much worse than he expected, his throat and head hurting as he cried, feeling sick to his stomach as his emotions poured out of him. He'd really thought this had been it, that he'd found his person, that James was going to be his future, but James had thrown that all away and walked out of the door. Walked out on Teddy. 

~~~

The next day was a blur—Teddy skipped work, unable to face the thought of turning up to the office and trying to put a brave face on it, of trying to pretend that the very fabric of his life hadn't just been ripped apart. He sent the most perfunctory owl to his boss stating that he was sick and wouldn't be in for a few days, before closing all his windows, drawing the curtains across them so he wouldn't see any owls, and blocking his Floo. He didn't want to speak to anyone, didn't want to have to talk about his feelings or deal with well-meaning enquiries about how he was holding up. He wouldn't know what to say anyway, unable to find the words to express how badly he was hurting. 

Instead, he simply lay on his sofa, clutching tightly to the blanket he and James used to snuggle under during their weekly film nights, staring blankly at the ceiling. He alternated between feeling numb—whole hours passing with barely a thought entering his head, his body and mind too exhausted from his grief to focus on anything—and feeling waves of pain crash over him, each one so powerful that it was all he could do to keep his head above water. Endless images of the future he had planned for them assaulted his brain, a sickening reminder of how much he had lost because of the damn mark on his chest. He hadn't showered or changed since James had left—he simply couldn't bear to look down at those lines on his chest that had robbed him of the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

The pain didn't lessen as the days went by. If anything, it got worse, as the shock of their break-up wore off and the reality of life without James sank in. Teddy sobbed so hard that he threw up when he finally summoned up the will to go around his flat and collect the belongings that James had left there. James had always been the kind of person to leave a trail behind him, just popping something down for a few minutes only to find that months later it was still there, completely forgotten about as his quick mind moved on to something different, and he hadn't lost that habit when he started seeing Teddy.

Everywhere Teddy looked in his flat held a reminder of James, and he hoped desperately that at least removing the physical evidence of their relationship might help him move on, even if he knew he would never be able to wipe away the invisible traces and memories that James had left on Teddy and his flat. As Teddy searched through his laundry basket and wardrobe, picking out James's sports kit and t-shirts that inevitably ended up on the floor mixed with Teddy's clothes, Teddy remembered all the times they had Apparated back to the flat in a hurry after a trip to the pub or dinner with the Weasleys, barely pausing to breathe before they were ripping each other's clothes off, the want coursing through their bodies making everything else pale into insignificance. 

As Teddy carefully wrapped James's Holyhead Harpies mug in protective bubble wrap and placed it into the box he had designated for James's things, Teddy remembered sleepy Sunday mornings, James waking up slowly, a smile already on his face as he rolled over to Teddy, his hips slowly starting to move against Teddy's arse as they spooned. He remembered James kicking him out of bed afterwards, before the sweat had even dried on their skin, batting his eyelashes as he persuaded Teddy to make him a cup of tea with promises of great rewards once he came back to bed. However much Teddy had grumbled about getting out of their cosy bed to make a cup of tea in the cold morning air, he had loved those moments while he waited for the kettle to boil, the ghosts of James's fingers still lingering on his skin, and the smile that spread across James's face when Teddy reappeared bearing tea and the papers had always been worth the cold of the kitchen floor tiles. 

The hardest thing to part with was James's Appleby Arrows hoodie. Ostensibly it was here for James to wear when it got chilly, but they both knew that Teddy wore it far more than James ever did. James had been so proud of it when he appeared in Teddy's Floo after his first practice with the Arrows, gleefully showing off his brand new practice kit, laughing raucously as he twirled to show Teddy the full glory of his pale blue branded trackies and hoodie, Teddy's heart swelling with pride as he watched. James had worn it for a while, hardly able to part with it, even going as far as to sleep in it, so proud to be representing his team. 

But then, one day, Teddy had been ill with a horrible cold he'd picked up from work that had left his nose streaming, his throat like sandpaper, and his temperature all over the place. Despite all of Teddy's protestations, James had come over as soon as his match was finished, blowing off celebratory drinks with his teammates, insisting that it was his job as boyfriend to be there to look after Teddy when he was ill. Teddy had tried to send him away, but had been secretly very grateful to have someone there to look after him and bring him hot soup and cool drinks as he lay on the sofa, alternately sweating and shivering under a blanket. It was during one of his shivering streaks that James had dramatically ripped off his hoodie, pressing it into Teddy's hands and demanding that he put it on. Teddy had been too weak from his fever to refuse, so had pulled the hoodie over his head, drinking in the smell of James that had permeated the warm, soft material. From then on, it had been Teddy's hoodie more than James's, and he had loved nothing more than putting it on and showing off how proud he was of his wonderful boyfriend.

Teddy nearly couldn't put it in the box. He spent a long time sat on the floor of his living room, not caring how uncomfortable he was getting, just stroking the hoodie, letting the memories of all the times he had worn it rush over him. The endless evenings in front of the TV curled in its warmth; the Quidditch matches he had worn it to so that everyone there knew that James Potter, the star Seeker, was his; the times they had fucked with Teddy wearing it, too desperate to wait to take it off; the barbecues at Potter Cottage where the night air got chilly as they drank and chatted and laughed, James always sat as close to Teddy as he could get, his face glowing with happiness as he looked at Teddy with love in his eyes. Teddy's tears soaked the fabric as he held it, his heart breaking all over again as he pulled it over his head one final time, as he smelt James's distinctive scent for the last time. 

He sent the box to Harry, with a short note asking him to please just do something with the contents, his tears smudging the ink so that he had to rewrite it several times. He knew he should send it to James—it was his stuff after all—but Teddy couldn't bear the thought of it. He didn't know what he would say in the note, and he was terrified that the box would just come back to him, James refusing to accept anything that bore Teddy's name or arrived with Teddy's owl. That would just be too final.

~~~

The months following the break-up passed at once incredibly quickly and also painfully slowly. Looking back, Teddy couldn't have said what he did for those months—the whole thing was a blur, his mind suppressing the memories of endless nights spent lying awake as his whole body burned with longing for James's presence next to him, whole days at work passing by in the blink of an eye as he stared blankly at his office wall, unable to concentrate on any of the papers that were quickly piling up on his desk. At the same time however, certain moments went by unbearably slowly, the pain wracking his body as he tried desperately to staunch the tears. The first time he had to miss one of James's matches it felt like his heart was breaking all over again as he sat in his living room, the lights out and the fire unlit, the sound of the commentator and the crowd on the wireless echoing around the quiet room only serving to remind him of just how alone he was, especially when the commentator mentioned the box full of Potters and Weasleys who had come out to support James. Teddy should have been there, should have been squashed into that box next to Harry and Albus, shouting James's name until his voice was hoarse, refusing to take off James's hoodie however hot he got in the crowd, jumping around like a maniac when James caught the Snitch. He should have been there so that he could sneak down to the locker room after the match, knowing that James would take his time showering so that he could wait for Teddy, should have lingered outside the changing rooms until the last of the team had left before sneaking inside to press James against the wall of the shower cubicle, letting the water stream down their bodies as he showed James exactly how much he loved him. 

But instead, Teddy was at home, alone, sobbing until his tears ran dry and his head throbbed, knowing that never again would he be able to take a sweaty post-match James into his mouth or press into him until he moaned Teddy's name. Knowing that he would never get to see James like that in any context, ever again. 

Teddy had been rejecting all attempts at contact from any of the Potter or extended Weasley family ever since James had left, all their letters thrown into the fire unopened, their Floo calls left unanswered, his Apparition wards strengthened so that they couldn't Apparate into his flat, their knocking at the door ignored no matter how long it went on for. 

He had underestimated Harry's persistence, however.

One evening after work, Teddy was browsing the aisles of the Tesco down the road from his flat. He had no food left in the house, the cupboards bare apart from some inedible looking onions and a mouldy naan bread left over from his disastrous attempt at cooking curry for James months ago. He'd been living off takeaway and cereal for weeks, but that was starting to lose its appeal, and he knew he needed to get his act together and actually look after himself. 

He'd been telling himself that he was only eating so badly because he was busy with work—how were you supposed to cook a nutritious dinner when you didn't get home until gone 8 and were so tired that all you wanted to do was have a shower and go straight to bed? But he knew that wasn't the reason, and he was tired of lying to himself. He had only been eating rubbish food because he hated the idea of going to the supermarket. 

James had always had a fascination with the supermarket—presumably due to its inherent Muggleness—and Teddy would never forget his excitement the first time they went to one together. James had lost his mind over the self-scan machine, and he had raced around the shop pointing it like a gun and scanning every barcode he could spot, Teddy having to go 'round and remove each item after him. He hadn't begrudged it though—he'd been almost doubled over with laughter at James's antics, and he didn't have it in him to stop James doing something that was clearly making him so very happy. They'd ended up spending far more money than Teddy normally would on a food shop, James wanting to try every new thing he saw and constantly trying to sneak things into the trolley without Teddy noticing, and most of the food had ended up going off before they could eat it, but it had all been worth it.

But now Teddy couldn't even see the sign for Tesco without remembering the smile on James's face that day, and he knew going in there would be even worse. After that first trip, food shopping had become something they always did together, no matter the fact that James didn't live with Teddy and wouldn't actually eat half of the food Teddy bought. Stepping back into the shop had been even more painful than Teddy expected, tears welling in his eyes and his stomach aching as he walked aimlessly around the aisles, shoving items into his basket without thought, his subconscious showing him a parade of images of James leaping around the aisles of this very shop, his grin blinding even in Teddy's brain.

Teddy ground to a halt in the biscuit aisle. He'd automatically reached out and grabbed a packet of chocolate Hobnobs, chucking them into the basket before suddenly stopping. He didn't like Hobnobs. He hated them in fact. But he always bought them, because James adored them, could easily devour a packet in a single sitting, and he was always so happy when he saw that Teddy had them in his kitchen. A tear escaped and slowly tracked down his cheek as he reluctantly took the Hobnobs out of the basket and put them back on the shelf, before sinking down to the floor, dropping his head to his knees as he tried to fight back the tears.

That was how Harry found him.

'Teddy, oh, Teddy,' Harry said, coming to sit next to him, his arm wrapping tightly around Teddy's shoulders. 'It's okay, Teddy, it'll all be okay.'

Harry's arrival and kind words broke Teddy, and he lost his battle against his tears, a sob ripping from his throat as he broke down. They sat there for a long time, ignoring the concerned looks from the shoppers around them, Harry never letting go of Teddy even as his shirt grew damp from Teddy's tears. When Teddy's sobs finally began to quieten down, his breathing slowing and his shoulders stopping shaking, Harry finally pulled away.

'You want to go home?' he asked quietly.

When Teddy nodded, Harry got up then held out a hand to help Teddy up.

'Come on, let's go and pay for this, and then we'll get out of here.'

Teddy stood quietly by Harry's side as he dealt with the cashiers, knowing he should be doing something, or at least attempting to look like he hadn't just had a complete breakdown in aisle 10, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Once Harry had paid, they walked outside in silence, Teddy following Harry into the alley he indicated and allowing him to Apparate them. 

To Teddy's surprise, they didn't reappear in Teddy's flat, instead appearing in the wild garden of Potter Cottage.

Teddy was about to open his mouth and protest, but Harry stalled him.

'This is your home too, Teddy,' he said, his tone brooking no disagreement. 'We're your family too. Don't shut us out, let us look after you.'

That nearly had Teddy crying again, and Ginny's cry of delight when he walked through the front door didn't help. She wrapped him up in a tight hug, and he felt some of the tension and pain in his bones drain away as he melted into the hug. He hadn't understood how damaging his self-imposed isolation had been, but all of sudden he realised how desperately he had been craving some human contact and affection. 

Harry ushered Teddy through into the familiar kitchen, telling Teddy to take a seat before pulling out a chopping board and a knife and starting to cut up vegetables. Harry seemed to know that Teddy wasn't quite up to talking properly yet, instead waving a hand towards the wireless, quiet music filling the room, while Ginny occasionally popped in to chat to Harry as he cooked. Teddy let the noise of the room surround him, fill his senses until he felt as though he was in a cocoon, cradled by the gentle sounds of music, sizzling onions and the crackling fire. For the first time since James had Disapparated away from him, Teddy felt the cracks in his heart start to heal ever so slightly.

When Harry put a plate of steaming spaghetti carbonara in front of him, Teddy was surprised to find that he was actually hungry for the first time in months. He remained quiet throughout the meal, eating slowly and enjoying the meal, the first one in a long time that hadn't tasted like ash in his mouth. Harry and Ginny chatted about their days, Ginny regaling Harry with a story about the fallout over a story her colleague wrote that had Harry crying with laughter and even had Teddy cracking a smile. He knew why he hadn't been here in so long, knew exactly why he'd been avoiding the Potters, but he found himself wishing he hadn't stayed away and rejected all their attempts at contact. It had been hard, being on his own and trying to deal with all of this, and with Gran gone, Harry and Ginny were the closest thing he had to a family. He should have come to them far sooner, let them help him heal rather than trying to tough it out on his own, a strategy that clearly wasn't working. 

Just as Teddy was privately making a resolution to come round for dinner more often, he was brought back down to Earth with a heart-wrenching bump and reminded exactly why he shouldn't come here. Teddy was gently nibbling at a slice of Mrs Weasley's homemade lemon drizzle cake—the best cake he had ever tasted, bar none—when the front door slammed shut, the noise of someone running upstairs following after it. Teddy's heart sank as he listened to the footsteps—he knew exactly who climbed stairs like that, and it definitely wasn't Al. Only one person in the Potter household took the stairs two at a time at a speed like that, and it was the last person Teddy wanted to see. He knew he was right about the identity of the new arrival when he saw Harry and Ginny exchange a quick, nervous look, dashing his last, desperate hopes that maybe Al had suddenly developed a newfound excitement for the world that would have him speeding around the house, rather than his usual more measured pace. 

'Teddy—' Harry started uncertainly, but Teddy interrupted him.

'I think I better be going,' he said, pushing his chair out from under the table and starting to stand up. 'It's been lovely, thank—'

Teddy's words cut off abruptly as James appeared in the kitchen doorway, the words sticking in his throat, almost choking him as he looked at James for the first time since he broke Teddy's heart. 

James was, Merlin, James looked gorgeous. He was clad in his favourite—and Teddy's favourite—tight black skinny jeans that made his arse look incredible, and a dark blue t-shirt that only served to highlight his lean figure, toned from so much Quidditch. His hair was artfully tousled, one rogue curl fighting to escape with the kind of spirit that summed up James Potter, the low lighting in the kitchen making his hair appear even more gold than usual. Teddy ached as he stared at James, wanting nothing more than to walk over there and touch him while also desperately wishing he could pull himself together enough to simply leave, because he knew exactly what that outfit meant—James was going out, and he was looking for someone to take home. He'd seen James wearing that on nights out before they had got together, had seen the way men's eyes roved over James, had seen the way that they desired him. Teddy had no doubt that James would find someone, and the thought made him sick to his stomach. 

'Just came to see if I'd left my new trainers here, but I couldn't see them,' James said after a long awkward silence, his eyes locked on Harry and Ginny. 

'Maybe they're in your locker at work?' Ginny suggested quietly. 

'Maybe,' James shrugged. 'Anyway, I'm going out, so, uh, I'll see you at Sunday lunch I guess.' 

As Harry and Ginny said goodbye to James, telling him to have fun and be careful, James's eyes slid over to Teddy for the first time, the look in them indecipherable but enough to make Teddy want to cry with how badly he missed him. 

The moment didn't last long, James turning and walking out of the kitchen without any further acknowledgement of Teddy's presence. The silence after the front door shut behind him was deafening as the three of them stood in silence, no one sure what to say. With a sigh, Teddy pushed his chair back under the table, the scrape of the wood across the stone floor deafening in the quiet kitchen. 

'Well, I better head home,' he said. 'Thank you for dinner, and for earlier too, Harry.' 

'You're more than welcome, Teddy,' Harry said, moving around the table to wrap Teddy in a big hug. 'Come back soon, yes?'

Teddy nodded his agreement, the emotion building in his throat and prickling behind his eyes preventing him from saying anything. He needed to get out of here before he lost it again. Harry and Ginny's kindness mixed with the images that were assaulting his mind of James dancing with strange men had his nerves feeling raw, exposed, and he desperately wanted to retreat back to the safety of his flat, where he could lose it in private.

~~~

That night passed unbearably slowly, Teddy tossing and turning in bed for hours, unable to sleep, his mind consumed by thoughts of James in a dark club, the lights flashing off his hair as men with hungry eyes pressed against him. He remembered what it had been like when the two of them had gone clubbing together, a few weeks into their relationship. It had been heady, intoxicating, watching the way other men wanted James, knowing that Teddy was the one that got to dance with him, kiss him, touch him, have him. Being on the other side of that, being one of the many people who wanted James but couldn't have him, was awful, and so much worse because he knew just how incredible it was to be with James. 

After a terrible night's sleep, Teddy woke in a bad mood. His head hurt, his back ached from the uncomfortable position he'd ended up in when he finally fell asleep, and his throat, eyes and nose were sore from crying. That alone would have set him up for a bad day, but the photo on the front page of the _Prophet_ ensured that his day was truly dreadful. 

_'Potter Pulls'_ screamed the headline above a photo showing James stumbling out of a club, tugging an annoyingly attractive man along with him. James was laughing, but his eyes betrayed his drunkenness, his wide grin not quite reaching his eyes even as the man reached out to grab James's waist and pull him close before the photo looped back again. Teddy watched the photo for a long time, his cup of tea going cold as he gently stroked James's face with the tip of his finger. He didn't read the article, not wanting to read the salacious imaginings of Rita Skeeter, his mind providing the images nonetheless. He wondered whether the stranger would know where to touch James to make him keen in the way that Teddy loved so much. Whether James would whisper in his ear as they fucked like he always did with Teddy, endless murmurings of pleasure and love. Whether the man would watch James's face as he came and know that he was witnessing something incredible, sacred, precious.

Harry had obviously seen the article too, and he Floo called Teddy around mid-afternoon, claiming that he wanted to make sure Teddy had got home safe the night before, but Teddy knew he was checking Teddy was alright after the article. Teddy shrugged off his concerns, claiming not entirely inaccurately that he only looked like crap because he hadn't slept well. Teddy didn't want to talk about the article, didn't want to explain how his heart felt like it was being pulled out of his chest every time he looked at the photo. 

And yet he couldn't stop himself looking. 

Teddy knew that he should throw the paper away, burn it, shred it, anything but keep looking at it. But for some masochistic reason, he didn't. Instead it stayed sat on his kitchen table, his eyes drawn to it each time he walked past, his meals spent staring at James's face. He knew it was stupid, knew he was only making it worse for himself, but he couldn't help it. If this was all he could have of James, then he'd take it. 

For better or for worse, it turned out that that one headline wasn't all of James that Teddy could have. The very next weekend the paper was full of coverage of James's latest match—one that had turned out quite dramatic by all accounts, with James refusing to be stretchered off following a Bludger collision, instead returning to the pitch to catch the Snitch and win the match—and the post-match celebrations for the victorious team. The _Prophet_ had managed to get someone at the party to spill all, and the article detailing the excesses of the party stretched over three pages, accompanied by photos of various players entering and exiting the pub they had taken over for the party. 

James had been on fine form according to the informant, turning up at the pub still in his kit, his face streaked with mud from his Bludger-induced fall. He had been the life of the party, ordering endless rounds for the whole pub, downing shots with his teammates and drinking straight from the expensive bottle of Firewhiskey he had insisted on buying. The informant gleefully described how James had flirted with everyone who moved at the party, charming everyone with his cheeky grin and tales of his heroics during the match, before disappearing in the early hours with not one but two of the fans who had managed to get into the party.

This marked the start of a painful trend, in which every Saturday and Sunday morning, and even the occasional weekday morning, Teddy would open the _Prophet_ to be confronted with photographic proof of James's apparently very busy and successful single life. It's not that he'd expected James to stay single and mope over Teddy forever—James was an attractive, young, successful, famous Quidditch player, and so would have no problem finding someone who wanted to be with him—but Teddy hadn't expected this. It wasn't like James to go home with a different man every night, not the James Teddy knew anyway. James would deny it if asked, and hated the way Albus teased him for it, but he was a hopeless romantic at heart—only someone who was would put such store in soulmarks after all. Ever since he was young James had been that way, never interested in playing the field, always after a deep connection rather than a fleeting physical interest. He'd come to Teddy when he was sixteen to complain about the way his friends at school seemed to have a new crush every week and only ever focused on the way their crushes looked.

'They just never shut up about boobs, Ted,' he had grumbled, sprawled on the sofa in Teddy's flat not long after he had bought it. 'They sit there for hours talking about the girls they like, and how hot they are, and how badly they want to sleep with them, but the next day they've forgotten about it, moved on completely.'

'That's just the way some people are, Jamie, especially when they're teenagers. They want physical gratification, they're too horny to think about anything more.'

'But you can have both, surely? I get the horny thing, I really do, but why is it weird to want to wait for someone I actually care about?'

'It's not weird,' Teddy had said, full of affection for James, remembering exactly how it felt to be a teenager who just didn't understand how his peers thought. 'Don't change, Jamie, don't become like them if that's not who you are. There's nothing wrong with wanting something deeper, and one day you'll find it, and you'll be happier than you ever dreamed possible.'

'Have you found that?' James had moved closer, sitting up so that he could look at Teddy properly, his gaze piercing, his face serious. 

'No,' Teddy had said, honestly. 'I haven't. But one day, I hope I will.'

And for a few incredible, perfect, blissful months, Teddy thought he'd found that happiness he'd described in James. But then everything shattered, and now Teddy was reduced to staring helplessly at photos of the love of his life falling out of clubs and private parties and pubs with a stream of men who weren't him, their hands reaching for that skin he knew so well. 

Even through his pain, Teddy managed to be worried about James. The sleeping around was out of character, yes, but so was the partying, and the drinking. When they'd been together, James had always complained about the endless parties that he was invited to in his capacity as James Potter, Quidditch star and son of a war hero. He'd _hated_ the way the press followed him around, and said that going to those parties only made them more likely to chase after him. 'If I don't play their game, they'll lose interest,' he'd said on multiple occasions as he chose to stay snuggled up in Teddy's flat rather than go to a swanky party. As a result, it was strange to see James willingly going to multiple parties a week, posing for photos and signing autographs as he went in.

Teddy supposed that people could change, their interests developing as they grew up or their circumstances changed, and maybe he could have convinced himself that that was the explanation for James's sudden interest in parties, if James's Quidditch form hadn't been suffering. The game had always, _always_ been the most important thing for James. He wouldn't do anything if there was a chance it might affect his ability to play as well as he possibly could. The night before matches he always refused to stay at Teddy's flat, reasoning that he needed to sleep rather than have sex, and he would never miss a training session or one of his self-imposed home workouts. So to see James's performance on the pitch suddenly dip, and to see no sign that he even cared, was downright odd. He was suddenly sluggish on his broom, his trademark speed gone, and he was missing catches that would have been easy makes a year previously. In post-match interviews he shrugged off questions about what was going on, and as time went on, things only got worse. Soon rumours were swirling that James was on the verge of being kicked off the team for poor performance and behaviour. 

Teddy's heart was breaking, seeing James fall apart and self-sabotage like this, but he knew it wasn't his place to care anymore. James had seen to that. So Teddy continued to attempt to go about his life, trying to hide the cracks that still remained in his heart, pretending to the world that he wasn't still hopelessly in love with the reckless, wild, brilliant James Potter.

He thought he was doing a good job—he'd stopped locking himself in his office to cry every time he heard someone gossip about what on earth was going on with James, and he'd started spending more time with Harry, although he hadn't yet gone back to Potter Cottage, too afraid of bumping into James again. He would have been able to keep up the illusion of being a functional adult who wasn't hung up on his ex if it weren't for the breaking news report that came on the wireless one day when he and Harry were having a few beers together at Teddy's flat.

'And now, breaking news from our sports reporter,' the newsreader announced, cutting off the music that had been playing quietly as Harry and Teddy talked. 'Over to you, Florrie Starling.'

'Thank you, Archie. I can confirm that in the last few minutes James Potter has been seen leaving the head offices of the Appleby Arrows following a disciplinary hearing. The team has put out a statement, confirming that Potter has been put on an indefinite suspension from matches due to his recent poor performance. Potter has become a fixture of the press over recent months as a result of his hard partying and numerous romantic entanglements. It's a stark change of behaviour from this once dedicated professional, and one that is hard to explain, however with the suspension now public knowledge we may learn more details over the coming weeks. Back to you, Archie.'

Teddy and Harry sat in silence as the implications of the news report sank in.

'Suspended?' Harry finally said, voice quiet. 'I knew things were bad, but I never thought…'

Teddy couldn't speak, his words stuck in his throat. He couldn't help wondering how James was. Was he upset? His career had been everything to him, and he'd been so proud to be part of the Arrows. He must be devastated. And stupid, hopeless Teddy ached to go to him, to look after him, to make him feel better.

'Teddy,' Harry interrupted his thoughts, his voice low. 'I didn't ever ask because I didn't want to pry—it's your business, but—what happened with you and James? He's been a mess ever since and—I don't want you to think I'm blaming you of course but I just, I just wondered whether…'

'I—uh,' Teddy stuttered.

'I'm sorry, I know you probably don't want to talk about it,' Harry said, sensing Teddy's struggle. 'I just, Merlin, it's so hard, seeing him like this, and I just want to _help_.'

Harry trailed off, his eyes locked on Teddy, his face drawn and his brow furrowed. Teddy hadn't really stopped to think about how hard it must be for James's family to see him falling apart like this, and he'd certainly never considered that they didn't know what had caused their break-up. James had always been so close to his parents, particularly Ginny, that it had previously seemed unimaginable that he wouldn't have confided in them about the break-up. But apparently James had been behaving out of character right from the start.

'I know,' Teddy reassured Harry. He did want to help Harry understand. Teddy couldn't help James, but maybe Harry could. 'We broke up because James doesn't have a soulmark.'

'What?' Harry said, nonplussed.

'It never appeared.'

'So that's why he stopped wandering around with his shirt off…'

'I guess so. It was an issue for him. He hated that I had mine and he didn't—he thought it meant we weren't soulmates. He—' Teddy swallowed hard, fighting back the sobs that were already threatening to break out. 'He told me to go and find my soulmate, and then he left. He just left.'

Harry was silent, shock written across his face as he looked at Teddy, his hand coming to rest on Teddy's shoulder in a silent gesture of support as Teddy angrily wiped away the tears that had managed to escape. 

'I—I don't know what I thought had happened, but I never thought it would be that,' Harry said finally.

'I knew it was bothering him—I saw the way he looked at mine, but I didn't think it would be enough to break us apart. I thought we were stronger than that, you know? But obviously not.'

'I'm sorry, Teddy, really. I thought you two were perfect for each other.' Harry really did look sorry, and the compassion in his eyes had Teddy crying again. 

'I think I need to talk to my son,' Harry said after a moment. 'Are you going to be alright?'

'I'll be fine,' Teddy said, getting up to hug Harry goodbye. 'Go make sure he's okay.'

Over the next few days the papers were filled with coverage of James's suspension, columnists trying to guess why he was so off his game. A few of them had come close to the real reason, noticing that Teddy had stopped coming to games and speculating that the break-up had affected James more than it had first appeared. Teddy had started to avoid going outside apart from when completely necessary as the press had begun to search for him, wanting a comment on the downfall of his ex. Was he happy to see James get his comeuppance? Was it some sort of divine justice? Or was Teddy still hopelessly in love and pining for James? Teddy hated being asked those questions, hated the idea that the public were examining such a painful moment in his life just to get their thrills. He shut himself away, closing his Floo and throwing away letters unopened, thrown right back into the isolation that had followed the breakup.

Because of that, it was over a week later that Harry finally managed to get a message through to Teddy. 

When it finally came, it was so short that Teddy turned the parchment over, looking for the rest of the letter.

_You need to talk to James, Teddy._ said the letter, in Harry's trademark messy writing. 

There was nothing more, no explanation about what Harry had been up to over the past week, or any indication of how his conversation with James had gone. No suggestions about what Teddy should say to James. Just, talk to James. 

Teddy didn't do anything for several days, but he kept the note in his pocket, opening it so many times that the parchment began to wear out, the ink smudging from Teddy's fingers running over it. He vacillated widely between deciding never to talk to James and wanting to Apparate to James there and then, to have it out, finally talk about what had happened. He didn't know whether he would shout at James, or whether he would break down and beg him to come back. 

But if Harry was suggesting that Teddy should talk to James, then he probably should. Harry had never steered him wrong yet, and he knew Harry wouldn't do anything that might harm James. So one evening, after spending hours pacing around his flat like a caged tiger, listening to the rain pouring down outside, his mind endlessly turning over his options, Teddy made a split second decision, and Apparated to James's flat. 

James had changed the wards. Instead of appearing inside James's small but cosy living room, Teddy found himself on the street outside James's building. The rain was still falling, quickly soaking through Teddy's thin t-shirt as he stood in front of the door, staring at the doorbell, trying to summon up the courage to ring it. It was only when he started to shiver from the cold that Teddy finally reached out a trembling finger and rang the bell.

For a long, agonising moment, Teddy stood there, waiting. Maybe James would be out, and all his bravery would be for nothing. He didn't know if he would ever be able to come back again if James didn't answer now. 

But then, a light flicked on in the hallway, and Teddy could see a shadowy figure walking towards the door. His heart flipped in his chest as he recognised James's messy hair and broad shoulders, and he had a moment where he thought he might throw up from nerves, right there on the doorstep.

'Teddy?' James said when he had opened the door, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

'Hi,' Teddy croaked out, the sight of James after so long robbing him of his voice. 

James was still beautiful, yes, the most beautiful man Teddy had ever seen, but he looked… he looked drawn, ill, faded almost, like there was less of him than there had been. Teddy had always loved James's energy, the way it radiated off him in pulsating waves, so infectious that you couldn't help smiling when you were near him, but that had vanished, extinguished completely. That more than anything made Teddy realise how badly things were going wrong for James. 

'What are you doing here, Teddy?' James said, breaking in to Teddy's consideration of him, his voice weary. 

'I—' Teddy hedged. What _was_ he doing here? 'I needed to talk to you.'

'About?' 

'About you, about us, about everything, I guess,' Teddy said, cursing himself for how desperate he already sounded. 

James looked at Teddy for a long moment, appraising him, considering. Teddy was sure he was going to slam the door in his face, refuse to talk to him, but then James pushed the door open slightly more in an unspoken invitation.

Teddy had to force himself not to stare at James as they walked into James's living room, his eyes drawn to those arm muscles and that arse he had loved so much. God but it was good to see James again, even in these circumstances. His body was already responding, his blood beginning to heat as he watched the smooth, graceful way James moved, his muscles shifting under his t-shirt, and he had to stuff his hands into his jeans' pockets to stop himself from reaching out to touch. 

'So,' James said when they reached the living room. He turned to face Teddy, his face like granite, his arms folded tightly across his chest. 'What did you want to talk about?'

Teddy took a deep breath, his mind racing as he tried to figure out how best to start this conversation. He didn't want to scare James off, or start an argument that they wouldn't be able to come back from, but he had no idea how to approach James anymore. 

'I—uh—how are you?' Teddy's nerves failed him at the last minute.

'How do you think? Come on, Teddy. You didn't come here to ask me that.'

'Fine, you're right. I didn't come here just to ask you that.' In for a penny, in for a pound. There was no way he was getting out of this conversation unscathed, so he might as well get answers. 'What's going on, James?'

'Like you don't know.' James's voice suddenly had a bitter edge that Teddy had never heard before. 'The whole bloody world knows.'

'Did your dad talk to you?' Teddy changed tack, searching for a way to get through to James.

'He's my dad, we talk regularly,' James said, clearly not in the mood to make things easy for Teddy.

Teddy sighed. 'Did he come and talk to you last week? About our break-up?'

'Yes.'

'And?'

'And what? It's none of your business what Dad and I talked about.'

'It is if it was about me, about us.'

When he was only met with silence from James, Teddy pressed again, determined to get answers.

'James, come on. Why did your dad tell me to come here and talk to you?'

James sighed, running his hand through his already messy hair, before squaring his shoulders and looking Teddy directly in the eye.

'Because I went to a Healer.'

'What?' Teddy gasped, his stomach dropping through the floor. Why had James needed to go to see a Healer? Had he been playing so badly because he was ill? Oh, Merlin, what if James was seriously ill and Teddy had spent all these months avoiding him? That would be unbearable.

'Oh, shit, no,' James said hurriedly. 'It's not like that, I'm fine.'

'Thank Merlin,' Teddy said, sinking down onto James's sofa, his legs shaking from the adrenaline caused by James's announcement. 'So why did you go then?'

'Because of what you talked to my dad about.'

'Oh.' Teddy was confused. 

'The soulmark thing, I mean. He asked me about it, after you'd talked, and I said I didn't have one, and I showed him my chest—you know, to prove it really wasn't there—and he figured it out.'

'He what?'

'He figured out why I don't have a soulmark.'

'Oh.' Teddy fell silent, his brain scrambling to try and make sense of what he was hearing. 'Why? Why don't you have one?'

'Well, actually, I suppose I should say, I don't have a _visible_ soulmark.'

To Teddy's great astonishment, James suddenly pulled his t-shirt off, dropping it on the floor before advancing on Teddy. 

'What are you doing, James?' Teddy said warily, silent willing his body to behave even as his eyes couldn't help drinking in the details of James's bare skin, not wanting James to see the effect he still had on Teddy. They needed to talk for God's sake, and Teddy couldn't risk scaring James off with his unwanted attention. 

'I'm showing you what I mean.' James was standing right in front of Teddy now, and he was pointing at the middle of his chest. 'Do you see it?'

'Um—' Teddy didn't know what to say. All he could see was James's bare chest. 

'You have to look really closely,' James said, coming even closer, each freckle now visible to Teddy. 'See?'

And Teddy did see.

There was the faintest line that marked out a circle over James's chest, slightly whiter than the rest of his skin, but so faded that you wouldn't see it if you weren't looking.

'What is it?' he whispered.

'Curse damage,' James replied, moving away and coming to sit on the sofa next to Teddy. 'I don't know if you remember, but Dad said that when I was a toddler there was this wannabe Death Eater—Emmett Hoddle.'

Teddy nodded. He had heard bits of this from Harry although he didn't remember it happening, sheltered from the darker details of Harry's life by his gran.

'Well, this guy was properly obsessed with Dad, blamed him for wiping out the Death Eaters' values and crap like that. He'd apparently been plotting for ages, but no one figured it out. And then, well. One day he attacked us. Dad, Mum, and me.'

Teddy stared at James, horrified. Harry hadn't told him about an attack.

'We were in Diagon Alley, shopping I guess, and this guy appeared from out of nowhere and started shooting curses at us. Dad got him, of course, but not before he managed to hit me with a nasty curse. 

'I nearly died, apparently.' James said this matter-of-factly, his tone blasé, only the slight trembling of his hands giving away the emotion he felt at telling Teddy this. Teddy's eyes had filled with tears, and he fought to hold them back, not wanting to breakdown when James was still telling his story. 

'I'm glad you didn't,' Teddy whispered, not caring that he wasn't allowed to say things like that to James anymore. 

'Me too,' James said, laughing weakly.

'So the scar—?' Teddy prodded gently after a moment's quiet.

'Is from the curse. They healed me up, but they couldn't stop the scar tissue. When I went to see the Healer he said I was lucky that it didn't look worse.

'But anyway, he did a few tests, and it turns out I do have a soulmark, it's just hidden by the scar tissue.'

'What?' Teddy couldn't believe what he was hearing. 

'It's been there all along. He could detect the magic of it.'

'So—so you do have a soulmate?' Teddy was trying desperately to avoid getting his hopes, trying to remind himself that this didn't change anything. 

'Seems like it.' James said, his voice studiously casual even as he betrayed his nerves by biting on his lip. 

'And, can they—'

'No,' James interrupted. 'They can't tell who it is.'

'Oh.' 

'Yeah.'

They fell silent, both men wrapped up in their thoughts. Teddy didn't know where they stood now. James had a soulmark, but no way of telling who his soulmate was. That didn't mean it _wasn't_ Teddy, but he also had no way of proving that it was him. 

But, did it really matter? Until James had got upset over his soulmark, Teddy had never really believed in them anyway, so why had he started to now? Was he going to let some stupid archaic magic stop him from being with the man he loved? His life had been miserable since James had left, a hole ripped out of his heart that time was proving unable to heal. Maybe he'd been too hasty to give up on James.

'James,' Teddy said, breaking the silence, turning to face James properly. 

'Yes?' James whispered, his voice strangled.

'If the Healer can't tell who your soulmate is,' Teddy started, taking a deep breath and gathering up his courage before continuing, 'Then… maybe… do you think it could be me?'

'I… I suppose so, yes. It could be,' James said, causing Teddy's heart to leap and butterflies to fill his stomach. 

'I don't care anyway,' Teddy said quickly, the words spilling out of him now he'd given himself permission to tell James how he felt. 'I don't care if we're not official soulmates—it's all crap anyway. I love you, James, and the past few months have been the worst of my whole life, and I don't want to be with anyone but you. Who cares if we never know if our marks match—I _choose you_ to be my soulmate, the person I'll love forever, and that's what matters in the end, right?' 

James didn't respond for a minute, just stared at Teddy, his mouth open and his eyes wide as he took in Teddy's words. Teddy was beginning to worry, starting to regret spilling his heart to James, when James finally responded, not with words, but by reaching out and tangling his fingers in Teddy's hair and kissing him, so gently and so lightly that Teddy thought he might be dreaming it.

Teddy gasped into the kiss as it hit him that this was real, that after months of wanting and longing he was finally kissing James again. He ached with the need for more, just that slightest touch enough to have his blood racing around his body and his cock swelling, but he needed to check, to make sure that James wanted this the same way he did. He didn't think he would be able to cope if they had sex and then James left again anyway. 

'James—Jamie—' Teddy panted, pulling away. 'Are you sure?'

'God, Teddy, yes, I'm sure,' James said, his voice rough with need but his eyes serious, reassuring Teddy that he meant what he was saying. 'Everything's been shit without you. All those men, all that drinking, all those nights—they meant nothing to me, I just, God, I was just trying to forget you. I thought maybe they would help me forget how it felt when we were together but nothing worked, and before I knew it, I'd lost it all, my job, you, everything… I knew from the minute I left that I'd made a mistake but I didn't think you'd take me back. ''

'Of course I would have taken you back, James. I love you. I don't care about those other men, I just care about you, about you being alright.'

'I love you too, Teddy,' James whispered, a smile spreading across his face even as he leaned in and captured Teddy's lips with his again. 

Teddy didn't stop him this time, instead sinking in to the kiss, deepening it, moving to push James back against the sofa cushions, their bodies lining up perfectly as they kissed. It was incredible, being able to kiss James again, but at the same time Teddy thought he might die if he didn't get more. Their hips had started up a slow grind, their hard cocks rubbing against each other as they moaned into each other's mouths, James's hands gripping Teddy's arse tightly to pull him even closer.

With a great effort Teddy stopped kissing James, chuckling at the way the disappointed noise that escaped James turned into a moan as Teddy leaned down and licked his nipple, teasing it with his tongue until it was a hard peak.

'Teddy, please,' James moaned, bucking his hips up to emphasise what he wanted.

Part of Teddy wanted to ignore James's request, continue to tease his nipple until he couldn't take it anymore, but then he remembered how long it had been since he had seen James's cock, and he couldn't wait any longer. The teasing would have to wait.

He moved further down James's body, rubbing his hand along the hard line in his trackies before pulling them down, James's hard prick bouncing as it was freed from the confines of his boxers. Teddy's mouth watered at the sight of it—James had always had the most beautiful cock, long and thick and flushed a deep pink, and Teddy couldn't stop himself leaning in and taking it as far in as he could, tongue swirling round the head as he started to move up and down. James was making the most amazing noises above him as Teddy quickly drove him wild, his hands tight in Teddy's hair, his hips twitching slightly in response to Teddy's movements. 

'_Fuck_, Ted, hang on,' James gasped.' 'I'm gonna come if you keep doing that.'

'Isn't that the point?' Teddy chuckled.

'Well, yeah,' James conceded, 'but I don't want to come like this. I want you inside me when I do.'

'Fuck, okay,' Teddy said, James's words sending a rush of need through him. 'Come on then.' 

Teddy got up from the sofa, holding out a hand and helping James up too. Still holding tightly on to James's hand, he led him to James's bedroom, flicking on the bedside lamp before stripping off his clothes. Once he was settled on his back on the bed, James clambered on to him, coming to rest on Teddy's thighs. Keeping his eyes locked on Teddy the whole time, James grabbed a pot of lube out of his bedside drawer and slicked up his fingers, before reaching behind him and beginning to prep himself. Teddy could hardly believe his eyes, his cock throbbing and leaking as he watched James's eyes flutter as he fingered himself, getting himself ready for Teddy's cock.

When James lowered himself slowly onto Teddy's aching prick, Teddy thought he'd died and gone to heaven. It was such an amazing feeling, like coming home, and he couldn't believe he'd gone without it for so long. 

'Oh, God, Jamie,' he murmured as James began to move. 'Never letting go of you again.'

'Uhh, yes, Teddy, never, never,' James repeated, his eyes closing as he began to lose himself in sensation.

Teddy stopped thinking, letting the pleasure wash over him in waves, running his hands over James's body and revelling in the feeling of his skin under his fingertips once again. He had no idea how long they moved together for—it could have been minutes, or hours, or endless days, nothing mattering but the look on James's face as he got closer to falling apart. When he came, the pleasure that flooded Teddy's body was like nothing he had ever experienced before, only intensified by the sight and sound of James coming above him. As they lay in companionable silence afterwards, James's body warm against his side, Teddy thought that maybe this was the best moment of his life. 

~~~

A month later, however, Teddy was proved wrong when James returned home from a mysterious errand with a smile on his face that immediately made Teddy ask what he'd done.

'Come in here and I'll show you,' James said, before walking into the bedroom.

Intrigued, and more than a little turned on, Teddy followed, but what he found was far, far better than anything his mind had started picturing at James's words.

James was standing in the middle of the room, his hair shining in the light, his shirt tossed on the floor next to him. But Teddy didn't notice any of that, his eyes drawn to the patch of James's chest that should have been bare.

'What—?' he said in a tone of wonder, coming closer and reaching out a trembling finger to trace the design that had appeared on James's chest.

'I got it tattooed,' James said, his voice nervous. 'It's supposed to be your soulmark.'

'I can see that, you idiot.' Teddy laughed quietly, his eyes still focused on the thin black lines that exactly matched the lines on his own chest. 

'Do you like it?' The worry in James's voice was pronounced enough to tear Teddy's eyes away from his chest, instead looking James directly in the eye, wanting James to know how much he meant what he said.

'It's perfect, James. Just, perfect,' Teddy said, stroking James's cheek with his thumb before leaning in and kissing him.

And then, Teddy knew, this was the best moment of his life. 

The moment when James chose them, chose him, forever.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of the 2019 HP Next Gen Fest.


End file.
